National Definitions

Followers of this column should be familiar with our strange dictionary and the definitions contained therein. In the spirit of our forty-seventh independence celebrations, it was appropriate to consult the dictionary for clarity on some of our national words and concepts.

Independence:-The process by which we exchanged white colonial administrators for indigenous ones. The local colonial masters were first elected, then self-appointed through force of arms, and now they are selected on our behalf by whoever is the current colonialist, his Police “Force”, his internal security agencies and an administrator who he appoints and designates as independent electoral umpire.

Independence Day:- Following from the definition above, the day in 1960 when white colonial officers vacated their offices and residences in various GRAs across the country and those offices and residences were occupied by their Nigerian equivalents. On that day also poor school children and hapless workers who had previously being compelled to march in salute to the erstwhile colonial power are similarly made to march in salute to the new masters.

GRA:- means Government Reservation Area. These areas were initially created to separate British colonial officers from the natives. The British officers had good reasons to be fearful for their safety since they were an imperial occupying power. Leaders freely elected by the people normally should have no such fears.

Agriculture:- this used to be the economic mainstay of the Nigerian nation. A combination of factors-exploitation of hardworking farmers whose legitimate incomes were expropriated by regional governments after “independence”; the discovery of oil which distorted the structure and incentive systems in the economy; an over-valued exchange rate regime which penalized producers (of which farmers were a predominant category) and rewarded importers, consumers, government workers and city-dwellers); the failure to make the necessary transition from raw agricultural production to processing etc-has since changed that.

Military Coup:- An event usually planned and executed by a few soldiers, who substitute their will for that of the entire population. When the coup succeeds, the officers become the government! In the peculiarly Nigerian variant, the actual planners usually never get into office-Nzeogwu and Ifeajuna plan and Ironsi becomes Head of State; Murtala Muhammad and Danjuma plan and Gowon become Head of State; Babangida/Yaradua/Joe Garba etal plan and Muhammad/Obasanjo/Danjuma come into power; Dimka’s coup fails and Obasanjo becomes Head of State; Babangida plans and Buhari/Idiagbon take power. The only exceptions are Babangida and Abacha who take and (attempt) to keep the power!

Counter-Coup:- (Do me I do you, God no go vex!) When a military coup happens, we count the dead bodies. If the body count is disproportionately weighted against one side, that side stages a counter-coup to balance the equation. The concept is best illustrated by the events of July 29, 1966 which eventually led to civil war. Morale-in Nigeria, when you plan a coup (whether military or civilian), make sure the victims are uniformly spread in line with federal character!

Democracy:- A concept that Nigeria finds uniquely difficult to adapt to. It used to be imagined that this difficulty was common to all black and African people, but now strangely countries like Benin, Ghana, Kenya, Zambia, South-Africa, Botswana, and Tanzania seem to be quite comfortable with the practice. Even Sierra-Leone recently demonstrated that there is nothing inherently un-African about democracy.

Elections:- A corollary of the word above. For you to have a democracy, you must have elections, of a free and fair variety. A recent PhD thesis which attempts to explain the Nigerian difficulty with elections and all related concepts (democracy, constitutionalism, rule of law, separation of powers, press freedom, independent judiciary) asserts that in Ibadan and apparently the whole of Nigeria, the people are more attuned to rule by a garrison chief. As you know, nobody votes in military garrisons! The rule in garrisons, (which is incompatible with the notion of elections) is “obey the last order!” The proponent of this thesis has recently being appointed an ambassador. He has agreed to be posted to Myanmar (Burma), a garrison-country ruled by military men to further develop his thesis.

Rule of Law:- A concept which as mentioned above, is related to the concept of democracy. In the absence of rule of law, there is a tendency to anarchy and rule of might. The concept however does not operate in an ideological vacuum. On its own, it does not mean much. To illustrate, suppose based on this column’s extensive connections with Senator David Mark, Mrs Patricia Etteh and His Excellency Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar’adua, a law is made making it compulsory for all newspaper readers to pay N628 (not million Oh!) into this columnist’s current account every day, will you readers feel compelled to comply with this “rule of law”? The rule of law is used to protect and preserve a certain view point about how society should be ordered. It may be used to preserve stolen assets in the hands of thieves or to reform society and institute a moral order.

Under-17:- It does not refer to age. It refers to your level of professional accomplishment. If an under-17 contest is organized, you are free to take part even if your age is closer to 25, so long as you are still a home-based player, and have access to shaving powder. The same philosophy applies in the civil service, except that in that context, you do not need shaving powder. All you need is to still be able to walk, and to have access to a commissioner for oaths.

BRF-May mean Babatunde Raji Fashola or Brighter Rewarding Future, or both. The first appears to be working quite hard to create the second.

Servant-Leader:- A promising concept that if true, implies that Nigeria may do well in the next few years. The idea connotes service, accountability, honesty, and commitment. It implies leadership based on values rather than power. But it does not automatically connote policy, vision and direction. That may come from the seven-point agenda after it is turned into an actionable construct. The taste of this pudding shall be in the eating.