Police's Phoney Terror Suspects

The Nigerian Police must be eager to show some “performance” in the fight against terror that it took the whole country on a ride last week. The official line, as reported by the media, was: “3 ministers, journalists escape death as security operatives arrest man with grenades.” The police account was that “eagle-eyed” security operatives arrested a 39-year old man, one John Akpanum Anaku, with a bag containing 37 rounds of ammunition and three hand grenades on Monday, May 21, 2012 at the Radio House, Abuja, venue of a ministerial press briefing by ministers of Aviation, Stella Oduah-Ogiemwonyi; (then) Youth Development and Sports, Bolaji Abdullahi; and Information, Labaran Maku. The gentleman, whom the media naively rushed to proclaim a “suicide bomber” or “terrorist”, was arrested by security officers from the Nigerian Legion, according to one John Akindele, a police officer (as reported by the media) and chief security officer at the venue “when it was noticed that he was carrying explosives”. The report by ThisDay was just as alarmist: “Panic in Abuja as Police Arrest 2 Terror Suspects,” the newspaper loudly proclaimed on its front page the morning after the arrest. According to the newspaper, “The police in Abuja yesterday arrested two terror suspects at different locations in the city, thus averting what might have resulted in another bomb attack in the nation’s capital.” In what would have amounted to an amazing display of police dexterity and proactivity, were the reports not essentially a hoax, our newspapers unquestioningly reported apparent propaganda without any attempt at subjecting official storylines to deep rational analysis. The reference to the second “terrorist”, one Abdullahi Salihu, who it was reported “had laced his body with some explosives and hand grenades which he wanted to use to wreak the havoc, but was detected by the security gadgets mounted in FCT” was to another individual arrested same day as the purported Radio House “terrorist” somewhere in the vicinity of Force Headquarters. However, reading between the lines, the truth would soon be obvious to any discerning reader. The fellow arrested at Radio House was a frustrated and depressed individual who had brought ammunition found amongst his late brother’s luggage (the late brother was a former mobile police officer) and SMOKE grenades to the venue of the media briefing in an attempt to meet the minister of Information who was his kinsman from Nasarawa State. His objective appeared to be obtaining some sympathy and assistance towards collecting his late brother’s benefits. The poor gentleman in fact explained to journalists that he had been abandoned and frustrated in life and “so he came to Radio House to make his grievance known to government”. Confused, frustrated and incoherent John Anaku may have been, but he was certainly no terrorist. Even a police spokesman admitted the fact that the purported “grenades” were old, smoke grenades. And what about Salihu who was reported to have laced his body with explosives? Well, as police spokesman, Frank Mba, later admitted, “When we searched him, no explosive was found on him, but there were pieces of broken bottle, bottled water, five Automated Teller Machine cards and a vehicle number plate in the bag he was carrying.” Pray, how do you carry out a suicide bombing with these items? Mba, reluctantly, I imagine, agreed that “so far, there is nothing to suggest that he is a suicide bomber”. Again, poor Salihu may have been slightly out of his mind, a vagrant, an unemployed wanderer, or even a confused or frustrated miscreant or tout, maybe even a medicine man, but terrorist or suicide bomber he certainly was not. The surprising aspect for me, as I mentioned earlier, was the eagerness of the media and police spokesmen to report these two incidences as the busting of terror attempts when it was fairly clear that was not the case. How could the Nasarawa fellow carry out terror with any quantity of ammunition without a gun? Is there a means by which a “terrorist” could wreak terror with ammunition if he didn’t have a gun? Wasn’t it clear the State Security Services (SSS) account of the incidents was more believable? (Indeed, on the whole “Boko Haram” issue, I think the SSS and military have been more credible than the police!) Marilyn Ogar, SSS spokesperson, had cautioned against hasty commentaries and conclusions, explaining that what John Anaku had on him were tear gas canisters and not grenades, and that the fellow was simply trying to meet the Information minister who was his tribesman. While the whole nation was lured into an unnecessary voyage of distraction, substantive acts of terror of course went unchallenged! In Sulemanti ward, Maiduguri, Borno State, a group of gunmen attacked four residences, killing three people (Guardian, May 22, 2012) and destroying two vehicles with petrol bombs! The police spokesman in Borno confirmed the incident and noted that no arrests had so far been made. In another incident also reported in the Guardian, gunmen “sacked the Divisional Police Station at Benisheikh, 72 kilometres west of Maiduguri”. An unfortunate civilian was killed in the attack. While the attackers “used petrol bombs to burn down the whole police station”, the policemen were reported to have taken cover. Interesting! While the police were arresting phoney suspects in Abuja, real terrorists were working undetected elsewhere.

Our Wasting Sports Sector

An improbable Chelsea season It has been a good season to be a Chelsea supporter. And what a great season it has turned out to be, though mid-way through, nothing gave any indication that Chelsea fans were going to be happy when it started. Unfortunately for his reputation, Andres Villas-Boaz’s exit was the turning point! He was clearly too young, naïve and inexperienced to handle the Chelsea principalities – Frank Lampard, John Terry and others – as he rushed into trying to create a newer, fresher, younger and more creative Chelsea team. Even though AVB’s “project” must have been agreed with the management and owner, he alone would bear the consequences, and soon he was out and Roberto De Matteo, a man who had been fired at lowly West Bromwich Albion just last season, was in as interim coach. Since then, Chelsea’s resurgence began, and a quite improbable FA Cup and EUFA Champions League double have been the reward. From the moment the Champions League final against Bayern Munich began at the German team’s Allianz Arena, there was a sense of a certain Chelsea destiny. When Didier Drogba scored that stunning equaliser two minutes to the end after Bayern scored in the 83rd minute, I became convinced that perhaps the heavens were in Chelsea’s favour that night. Why else would we equalise if Bayern were going to win! The sense of positive Chelsea fate was reinforced when Arjen Robben’s extra-time penalty, conceded by Drogba, was saved by Petr Cech and I was no longer surprised when Drogba fulfilled destiny by scoring the winning goal and bringing the Champions League to Stamford Bridge. The real heroes that night included Roman Abramovic, who had invested so much resources into bringing Chelsea into the top tier of global football; De Matteo; Didier Drogba; Petr Cech; John Mikel Obi, who was fantastic in the middle (by the way, why is it that every single world-class coach at Chelsea – Jose Mourinho, Avram Grant, Gus Hiddink, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Carla Ancellotti and De Matteo – have all found Mikel indispensable in the team, while our local coaches continually seem to want to deprecate his value?); and Ashley Cole. But of course, every Chelsea player, particularly Gary Cahill and David Luiz, all rose to the occasion. So, Chelsea end the season as Champions of Europe and finally stamp their presence in the elite of European soccer. Congratulations to all Chelsea fans! Nigeria’s declining football fortunes In all the joy I felt as a Chelsea fan, there was a definite sorrow in my heart about the current condition of Nigerian football. As a child, the first team I supported was Rangers International of Enugu. Up till the 1977 confrontation between IICC Shooting Stars of Ibadan and Rangers, my team was Rangers, and I have never been able to forget the image of that blockbuster goal scored by Ogidi Ibeabuchi in the Challenge Cup final replay in Kaduna. Later, for many years, as I grew into a full Lagos boy at Igbobi College, I supported Super Stores, and then Abiola Babes after Stores went into extinction. I have told the story in my facebook tribute to Rasheedi Yekini of watching Abiola Babes play New Nigerian Bank at Ogbe Stadium, Benin while I was a youth corps member in Benin in 1986/87. Not being very familiar with the stadium, I had entered through a “wrong” entrance and found myself in the midst of fanatical “Bendel” supporters of NNB. Of course, in the interest of my personal safety, I had to keep quiet and disguise my support for Abiola Babes. Unfortunately, Yekini endangered my life! As he released a fiery and ferocious shot from the centre which hit the bar, I forgot pretence, jumped up and shouted “goal!!!” As I landed, hundreds of NNB supporters chased after me and I ran for my life, never to return for the rest of the match. That was the passion and excitement of local football in Nigeria, until inefficient and visionless government, corruption, age cheating, incompetent administrators, mediocrity and putting people with no passion for the game in charge destroyed our football. Today, our football mirrors the national malaise – untapped potential, turning to foreign products as we have done for rice, medical diagnosis and treatment, education, clothing, shoes, cable television, phones, cars…virtually everything! Now we can’t even run football successfully. For me, the two critical factors we have to address are age cheating and government’s administration of football. Age cheating distorts the talent pool for generations as less-skilled older players deny better-talented younger ones their opportunity; incompetent government administrators who are only interested in the money compound the crisis with poor management and cronyism. The situation in other sports is even worse than in football. Come to think of it, why are Nollywood and Naija music booming, while our football lies comatose? Government! In Nigeria, every service controlled or managed by government is a failure – power, water, public education and health, refineries, security, prisons, public pensions and sports, while the few things that work, at least relatively, are provided by private operators – telecommunications, banking, airlines, private pensions, Nollywood, Naija music, private broadcasting, private education, etc? Sports is big business; it could generate huge resources and help in reducing unemployment. Instead of allowing interested private people create a booming sports business, our administrators, mirroring the rest of government, focus on sharing limited funds appropriated by government. Shame!

Corruption in Nigeria

Corruption in Nigeria, as I wrote last week, has reached epidemic proportions! The greatest evidence of this are the scandalous revelations that have been emerging from the ongoing Senate Committee investigation on pensions. At some point during the Obasanjo regime, someone said Nigeria’s problem was not just corruption, but the impunity with which it was carried out. Now the matter evidently has graduated beyond impunity-in volume, scale, breadth and depth and has now become, as Dr Joe Okei-Odumakin said to me on “The Policy Council” last week, a cancer! I completely endorse that characterisation of the current state of corruption in Nigeria! Everyone knows, or ought to know the features and consequences of cancer-it spreads very rapidly through the host, destroying cells, weakening the body and in due course, killing its victim. A cure from an advanced form of cancer, such as Nigerian corruption has become, is a rarity, and in the few cases in which that happens, it requires decisive surgical and other scientific or medical intervention, and some large dose of divine grace. Where cancer is treated with levity, the patient is a living dead! God forbid that Nigeria is just enjoying its last stages of mobile morbidity, but if we don’t engineer a quick and decisive onslaught on corruption, it will destroy Nigeria, sooner than later!!! The pension probe is not the only parade of unmitigated graft and brigandage on display in these times. The oil subsidy probe also shows, as we have all suspected that the subsidy rather than a mechanism to smoothen oil prices for the benefit of the poor, had become an oil industry bureaucrat’s (together with their allies and contractors’) source of massive enrichment. Though it seems clear enough to me that the House Committee’s limited knowledge of public finance, banking, international trade and shipping, and oil and gas transactions (as well perhaps as a little exuberance) meant figures may have been somewhat exaggerated, but it is still apparent that significant impropriety took place within the oil subsidy regime, particularly during the Yar’adua and Jonathan regimes. It is a mystery to me that the lesson our people learn from these is that subsidy must stay! The recent conviction of James Ibori (who it has been legally established was not qualified by reason of prior criminal convictions in the United Kingdom to be a state governor) in London after his wife, mistress, sister and lawyer also demonstrates the absence of moral scruples in current Nigerian sociology in relation to corruption. Corruption is no longer seen as crime in our country; otherwise Ibori wouldn’t have involved his entire household! For the Ibori clan, it was simply their entitlement from the opportunity presented by their kith occupying a high office of state. And they couldn’t be bothered to think up legitimate activities and services they could provide to Delta State which, subject to appropriate disclosures and abstentions from the process, could have entitled them like any other citizen to earn a living by offering some value to the state. More importantly the Ibori conviction illustrates how corruption has subverted our policing and judicial systems! While a London Court confirmed without prevarication that Ibori had two previous convictions for petty theft in the UK, Nigerian courts went through a protracted process right to the Supreme Court before concluding that one “James Onanefe Ibori” who stole building materials somewhere in or near Abuja, was different from “James Onanefe Ibori” who became Governor of Delta State!!! And while the London Metropolitan Police and Crown Prosecution Services succeeded in convicting Ibori of money laundering, all 170 charges against him in Nigeria were summarily dismissed by one Justice Marcel Awokuleyin!!! During the Yar’adua regime, Ibori was one of the most powerful men in the country, just a heartbeat away from (and reportedly with designs of his own for) the presidency!!! There are others who have obtained permanent court injunctions against investigation and trial, and many whose trials have in effect become a charade!!! Today there are really no sanctions for corruption in Nigeria. Indeed it is glorified as the perpetrators strut across the land dispensing philanthropy from the proceeds of stealing from the common purse, while their victims hail them for their generosity and large-heartedness. In this land, there is no anti-corruption fight; the only war going on often seems to be a war on anti-corruption i.e. a deliberate and concerted effort in which the political class and their rent-seeking contractor and business colleagues systematically undermine any possibility of eliminating corruption. Part of the problem is that there is no longer any clarity about what “corruption” means and we do not view corruption in tangible terms. Corruption means that 100 million Nigerians live on less than a dollar/day; it means that thousands of infants die before their first birthday due to poverty and poor ante-natal care; it means that the life expectancy of the average adult Nigerian is less than 50 years; it means that millions of destinies are destroyed as lack of educational facilities ensures that individuals who have the intellectual potential to be university professors end up as primary school teachers! I am convinced that corruption has reached a stage in which if not drastically curtailed, will destroy Nigeria-and anger within the populace about the phenomenon seems to be reaching a tipping point!

Downside Scenarios

Nigeria seems to be marching determinedly towards downside political scenarios, and political risk is clearly elevated! The last one week has seen some lurching towards the brink. The attack on THISDAY’s Abuja and Kaduna offices on Thursday, April 26 symbolised a two-pronged attack – one, an attempt to intimidate the media into backing off reportage of the activities of Boko Haram; and two, it is legitimate to wonder if the timing of the attacks on the day the BRACED Commission of the “South-South” states was commencing its economic summit in Asaba (which was coordinated by THISDAY chairman, Nduka Obaigbena) was a mere co-incidence. The logic of Boko Haram’s attack on the media is clear and not unexpected – the media, if successfully cowed into taking a neutral, or perhaps positive view of their activities, will affect public and international perception of the group’s activities. The irony is that THISDAY, which it selected as its symbol, is one of those whom, of all Lagos-based newspapers, I have viewed as most willing to reflect the Northern/Islamic viewpoint as reflected in its choice of columnists and editorial board members, editorial policy and focus, as well as an elaborate Abuja office – another irony as that office became the bombers’ target. That is perhaps further evidence that appeasement (as Wole Soyinka stressed in his keynote address at the BRACED Summit) does not usually succeed. The more troubling possibility, however, is the second – the attacks were connected with the South-South Summit, a development that would represent a dangerous escalation in regional animosity and a signal of elevated potential for organised conflict. As if these were not enough, terrorists struck again last Sunday at the Bayero University Kano (BUK), attacking two Christian services –Catholic and Protestant worship sessions – and killing possibly dozens including two professors, and many other senior academics and non-academic staff. The final sign of impending trouble is the confirmation that questions around the source and rationale for Boko Haram and how to react to same may be causing tensions at the highest levels of government. Owoye Azazi, the National Security Adviser (NSA), provided the strongest evidence of this with his statement at the BRACED Commission Summit, blaming the intensification of terrorism on the PDP’s zoning controversy. Azazi’s outburst may be evidence of exasperation by the NSA that his views about how to deal with BH has so far not been acted upon by his boss, President Jonathan. It may also signify the imminence of a change in policy, possibly a harder line towards terrorism. Alternatively, it could suggest Azazi’s imminent exit from government as the presidency chooses an alternative route, perhaps the “poverty and appeasement option” propounded by some local and international lobbies. Meanwhile, my opinion sampling (from my more than 5,000 friends) on facebook suggests two clear trends – an almost total loss of confidence in the ability of President Goodluck Jonathan to resolve the Boko Haram crisis and other challenges of state AND a fraying belief in the sanctity of the Nigerian state. Most respondents of Southern origin attribute Boko Haram to Northern politicians and speak with increasing despondency about Nigeria, not surprisingly given continued casualty figures from terrorism in the North; while virtually all Northern commentators place all the blame on Jonathan and his “clueless and incompetent” government. Regional formations are solidifying and the rhetoric, especially from people like Junaid Mohammed, is sometimes delusional. I doubt whether Nigerian unity has been so intensely questioned since the civil war and the June 12 1993 annulment crises! At the moment, the government has returned to its silence and abdication of the space for public communication and citizen engagement, precisely at a time when government’s credibility has been severely eroded by scandalous revelations from the fuel subsidy probe by the House of Representatives, the pension probes by the Senate, and unending newspaper accounts that suggest that corruption has become an epidemic of gargantuan proportions, especially since the Yar’Adua/Jonathan years. Public anger in Nigeria over corruption is rising and may be reaching some tipping point. I am now convinced that Nigeria is unlikely to come out of this crisis without some structural change – a stronger federal structure involving some degree of regionalisation or even a con-federal arrangement, or tensions will persist. A reversal of the political order, which I am convinced some seek, and not necessarily by entirely constitutional means, will merely reverse the conflict, substituting previous complainants for the erstwhile respondents, while newly aggrieved ones start a new cycle of violence and agitation. I am convinced that the Niger Delta will never accept to return to the old Nigeria in which they basically watched as resources from the region were distributed and shared by other Nigerians; Western Nigeria will never be satisfied until a true federal structure is restored; the Igbos’ sense of marginalisation will only increase as they ponder why none of them is found fit to govern Nigeria; the Christian Middle Belt will never agree to return to subservience in aid of an illusionary “One North”; and core Northern quest for Sharia will increase rather than decrease. I suspect that even “Boko Haram” contains some seeds of a Kanuri Liberation Movement. The point is the current crises are symptoms of a fundamental reality – Nigeria must change to survive!

FAAN/Maevis: Impunity, (Il)legality and PPPs!

I have restrained myself from commenting on the FAAN-Maevis controversy until I considered myself fully seised of the facts. You recall that on Saturday March 24, 2012, officials of FAAN forcefully and physically took over the part of the Murtala Muhammed International Airport occupied by MAEVIS and violently ejected its workers from the premises. FAAN proceeded to take over MAEVIS equipment and transferred operations of some or all of the facilities and services provided by MAEVIS to Societe International De Telecommunication Aeronautiques (SITA). It is incontrovertible that FAAN and Maevis entered into an agreement dated October 31, 2007 covering “acquisition, installation, operation and management of Airport Operations Management System (AOMS), Airport Operation Database (AODB), Common User Terminal Equipment (CUTE), Computer-Based Departure Control System Platform, Common User Self Service (CUSS) Kiosk, a fully automated Airport Pricing and Billing System (PBS), a proactive Revenue Management System and an electronic payment Gateway System incorporating a Transparent Electronic Funds Transfer and Settlement System at the Airports…”. That agreement provides that “FAAN shall provide adequate space and power supply to MAEVIS free of all encumbrances and cost for the Data Centre at the airport”. The agreement also provides in Articles 5 and 7 that FAAN will pay MAEVIS 2% of current revenue and 35% of “additional revenue generated and collected above FAAN’s current revenue generation”. I have also seen correspondences emanating from FAAN in which it acknowledged existence of MAEVIS’ court action and recognised the need to “maintain the res in view of the present court action instituted by MAEVIS against the Authority” (letter dated October 22, 2010 from FAAN to MAEVIS); another addressed to MAEVIS’ bankers in which FAAN affirmed that “all issues relating to the Commission and Enhancement fees payable to MAEVIS Limited under the FAAN-MAEVIS AOMS agreement has been fully resolved”. In this letter, FAAN went ahead to confirm that “The Honourable Minister of Aviation has directed that in line with Federal Government’s commitment to the rule of law and smooth operation of this project, the deduction and payment of the 2% commission and 35% Enhancement fees due to MAEVIS Limited shall be implemented” (letter dated July 31, 2009 from FAAN CEO and Director of Finance and Accounts to Zenith Bank and MAEVIS Ltd). There are also two letters from the Honourable Attorney-General and Minister for Justice, dated April 21 and May 24, 2011 in which the AGF advised FAAN to stay action on the termination of MAEVIS agreement in view of the directive of the Federal High Court on both parties to submit their dispute to arbitration in line with their agreement, as well as the intervention of the Infrastructure Concession and Regulatory Commission (ICRC). On its part, the ICRC an agency of government has confirmed the existence and validity of the Concession Agreement between FAAN and MAEVIS, expressed concern over FAAN’s actions and promised to take up the matter with FAAN. As the Courts, the AGF and ICRC have all acknowledged, the proper course of action for a law-abiding legal entity (especially one that is a government agency) was to refer any dispute between the parties to arbitration as provided in Article 15 of the agreement signed by the parties which provided first for mutual consultation and then arbitration. I have seen evidence that MAEVIS duly filed a notice of arbitration to FAAN and appointed its party-nominated arbitrator (a notable SAN) as far back as January 20, 2011 to which FAAN inexplicably refused to respond! Finally there is documentary evidence of several rulings of various Federal High Courts that “the Res is to be preserved” (Justice B. F. M Nyako-24/9/10); directing that “parties herein should go to Arbitration as provided for by Article 15 of their Agreement” (Nyako-17/12/10); re-emphasizing the order on parties to proceed to arbitration (Nyako-19/5/11); and an order restraining SITA and Government from entering or implementing any agreement that interferes with the rights of MAEVIS under its agreement with FAAN (Justice A. M Liman-21/3/12). It is amazing, indeed shocking that in the face of all the above, SITA, FAAN and the Minister of Aviation have acted with the level of arrogance, impunity and total disregard for the law in the manner they did on March 24 and subsequently. Given this behaviour of FAAN, will any sensible investor of any credibility or worth enter into a public-private partnership with any agency of the Government of Nigeria? A country in which an agency of government, prodded by its supervising Minister can ignore the country’s Attorney-General, its Courts and the institution responsible for regulating PPPs is not one in which sane people will be prepared to enter into agreements with governments, least of all agreements requiring such a person to invest funds ahead of reaping expected returns. If it is true as I have seen in some newspaper reports that the Minister may have in fact disobeyed the President of the Federal Republic in proceeding to throw MAEVIS out of the airport, then our descent into a banana republic is complete!

Johnnie Carson, the US and Boko Haram

Johnnie Carson is the United States Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs. His recent speech at the Centre for Strategic and International Studies, Washington DC on April 9, 2012 was titled “Nigeria, One Year After Elections” but may have been more appropriately titled “Appeasing Boko Haram (and its Sponsors!): A Marshall Plan for Northern Nigeria”! After initial platitudes, Carson explained his theory-“Nigerians are hungry for progress and improvement in their lives, but Northern Nigerians feel this need most acutely. Life in Nigeria for many is tough, but across the North, life is grim” the State Department official declared citing vague statistics purporting that while life for Southern Nigerians is merely tough, life is brutish and grim in Northern Nigeria! Actually Mr Carson, life is grim all over Nigeria! According to Nigeria’s National Bureau of Statistics, relative poverty was 69% in 2010 (112.5million people); absolute poverty was 60.9% (99.2million people) and $ per day poverty was 61.2%. The Bureau projected 2011 poverty prevalence as 71.5%, 61.9% and 62.8% for relative, absolute and $/day poverty respectively. A few facts expose the distorted propaganda Ambassador Carson has swallowed-Niger State, up North has lowest poverty prevalence nationally with 43.6% relative and 33.9% $/day poverty; Borno (Boko Haram’s home) has 61.1% relative poverty, significantly lower than Ogun (69%) and Anambra (68%). Benue has higher poverty (74.1%) than Kano (72.3%). Poverty is more prevalent in South-East’s Ebonyi (80.4%) than Northern Gombe (79.8%), Jigawa (79%); Kaduna (73%); Kano (72.3%); Nasarawa (71.7%); Taraba (76.3%); Yobe(79.6%) and Zamfara (80.2%)! Lagos, Nigeria’s commercial, industrial and financial capital has relative poverty of 59.2%!!! Edo in the South has higher poverty (72.5%) than Kano, Nasarawa, Borno and Niger in the North; and poverty in “oil rich” Bayelsa, Rivers and Delta states are 57.9%, 58.6% and 70.1% respectively! When Carson declares “poverty in Northern Nigeria is increasing” he makes no point! Actually poverty is increasing EVERYWHERE in Nigeria!!! Again NBS says relative poverty rose from 27.2% nationwide in 1980 to 69% by 2010! While higher poverty levels prevail in parts of the North, Nigerian poverty is incapable of North-South compartmentalisation! The 67% of South Easterners who are poor are not different from the 76.3% North Easterners or 77.7% North Westerners in the same condition! Almost 60% of South Westerners (59.1%), 67.5% in the North Central; and 63.8% in South-South are poor! Poverty is acute, dear Assistant Secretary everywhere in Nigeria! Relying on this distorted overview of Nigerian poverty (sold by a well-motivated cast including John Campbell, Jean Herscovits, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi and his Financial Times friends, especially William Wallis), Carson could only go wrong! Before his predictably defective conclusion however, he asserts that the 2011 elections were fair and transparent, but then subtly implies that since most Northerners voted for the opposition, some thing must be done to appease them (John Campbell recommends, and Wallis/Xan Rice of Financial Times hint government should appoint “strong Northerners” whatever that means, into government!)-shouldn’t Mr Cameron also co-opt strong Labourites into his coalition (and invite London looters and rioters for dialogue)? Actually Obama tried and it incensed rather than appease angry Republicans! The fact however is that Northerners are ruling Party Chairman, Vice-President, Senate President, House Speaker, Head of Civil Service, Ministers of Defence, Federal Capital Territory, Interior, Water Resources, Education, Transport, Chiefs of Navy and Air Force, Central Bank Governor, Chief Justice, Court of Appeal President, Inspector-General of Police etc!!! No other region of Nigeria can boast a richer haul!!! Mr Carson asserts that “religion is not driving extremist violence in Jos or Northern Nigeria”. It is not necessary to explain how he arrived at this conclusion! Boko Haram victims and Northern Christians bombed to death in their Churches (and several pastors decapitated by Boko Haram!) may find it difficult agreeing with him, but then dead people are of no strategic significance to the US! There is a confounding portion of Mr Carson’s speech-he acknowledges the hypothesis that Boko Haram is “being funded by a handful of resentful politicians nursing their wounds from the last election” but turns to preaching and exhortation-“This would be deeply unfortunate if true”, he says, “but I have not seen any evidence” to support the theory. Ignoring the fact that he offered no evidence in support of his other suppositions, one would then expect him to proffer alternative theories regarding Boko Haram funding since evidently it cannot be the Northern poor providing sophisticated arms and ammunition, IEDs, AK47s, training, logistics, and operational intelligence for Boko Haram! Who does Carson suggest is funding Boko Haram or isn’t that question worth pursuing? Based on faulty diagnosis, Carson’s prescriptions are inevitably incomplete-the Nigerian government should establish a new social contract with Northern citizens (there’s an excellent social contract with the South?); government should de-emphasize the use of the military (to give Boko Haram room to re-group as its sponsors and apologists want?); government should create a Ministry of Northern Affairs (not original-Sanusi Lamido already told the Financial Times about a Marshall plan!; and complaints about special funding status for Lagos, and massive erosion and infrastructural collapse in the South-East and South-West, minus Lagos are irrelevant?); and a comprehensive economic strategy, (presumably for the North too!) to address social and economic context of Boko Haram!!! The fact that Southern poverty manifests in economic dimensions-armed robbery, kidnapping, “area boys”, gang violence, drug and human trafficking, fraud, white collar crimes and 419, prostitution, and desperate emigration amongst others, rather than religious extremism and fundamentalist terror was rather remote for Mr Carson and his advisers to grasp! The millions of Southern poor can go to hell, resort to revolution or form their own terror groups to get attention!

False Definitions

Easter is the season to celebrate the travail, crucifixion, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is the core and essence of the Christian faith-it is Jesus Christ’s resurrection that validates our faith in his second coming and the hereafter. It is not a time for anger, lamentation and vexation, so I decided it was better to laugh over our many problems as a nation! Stakeholders: The dictionary has two meanings for this word-“a person or company that is involved in a particular organisation, project, system etc especially because they have invested money in it” and “a person who holds all the bets placed on a game or race and who pays the money to the winner”. In Nigeria, the word has a slightly twisted meaning! Yes our “stakeholders” have “invested” money in the “game”, “race” or “project” and yes again, there is some sort of high stakes gambling going on, but here the word means something closer to “recognised co-conspirators” Consensus: Is supposed to mean “an opinion that all members of a group agree with”, but in Nigeria it usually means the exact opposite-an opinion that is imposed on members of a group by one or more powerful members! Principal: A word which usually implies a principal (a person you are representing, especially in business or law) and agent relationship exists. In our usage, it implies some form of sycophantic or crony relationship, usually rewarded with a share of “distributive” resources. “Carrying us along”: When civil or public servants, private sector employees or members of a group request their leaders, clients or “consultants” to “carry them along”, don’t imagine that they are interested principally in the finer points of policy formulation or progression of project execution. The phrase is a reminder that you should ensure the funds get to everyone in the manner agreed or expected to be shared! “To Move the Country Forward”: The implicit meaning here is-lets forget about the principles and ideals; and discard concerns about truth, justice and equity…and just move on since the current situation favours us (“us” doesn’t necessarily mean all Nigerians, but the speaker and the group he or she represents) Lobbying: Synonymous with “bribing” Reform: The meaning of this word is variable, depending on who is speaking! It may mean “reform” as defined in the dictionary (to improve a system or organisation) if used by a genuine reformer; It could also mean pretending to be improving a system or organisation when your real objective is to displace current beneficiaries of official rent, in favour of yourself or your cronies and associates. Foreign Investors: Also depends on who is speaking! When the speaker is the false reformer (see above), it means someone fronting for the speaker. Family Affair: Similar to “moving the country forward”, but usually refers not to country, but party! “One Man-One Vote”: To the best of my knowledge, this has never happened before in Nigeria! The closest we may have come to this strange phenomenon may have been on June 12, 1993, but otherwise we have also had one or more votes for children, cows, thumbs and fingers, fish, deceased persons, expatriates, chieftains, etc! In any event, at the collation centre (or somewhere between the “one-or-so-man vote” and collation centre), voting begins to be in hundreds, thousands or when necessary, hundreds of thousands! “Free and Fair”: The definition of “free and fair”, like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!!! See “One Man-One Vote” above! Screening: This may refer to screening by the Senate, party or security agencies, but the requirements, implications and consequences are similar-if you are naïve about the process, your plans to partake in eating the good of the land may be cut short! It does not matter if you’re probably the best nominee on offer (ask Bode Agusto) or an incumbent governor (ala Timipre Silva). This process may in fact be the de facto election! National Unity: No one knows what this phrase actually means! It may be a complete fiction or wishful thinking, but it is a cliché you’re well-advised to learn if you must work in Abuja! Peaceful Co-Existence: This one is most definitely a fiction-“wetie” in the West; riots in Tivland; a bloody military coup; a bloodier revenge coup; pogroms and crimes against humanity; then a very bloody civil war; regular ethnic, religious and communal violence; post-election killings; fundamentalist terrorism and sectarian violence…certainly neither peaceful, nor co-existential! But don’t ever say so! If you think “peaceful bla blab la” is too much of a lie, then say “mutual co-existence”!!! Merit: This word is not in our dictionary! What does it mean? Capacity Building: An easy way to get money out of the national treasury, without having to account for it-since “capacity” is neither visible nor tangible, no auditor can establish whether you executed the contract or not! Welfare: Similar to “carrying everyone along”!!! Perhaps the Nigeria of these definitions died on Good Friday and a new and better one was born last Sunday? I hope you had a good Easter. I also hope you spent some time reflecting on how you could contribute towards making Nigeria a better nation.